sticky, crimson liquid slides down my throat
my stomach objects
i partake in some thc
laughs from a friend, of sorts
my eyes grow heavy
a bit of rest
the mind idles
idling is bad
idling is wasteful
idling is death
i wake, i giggle, i bounce around a bit
it sets in
i read a page
she's here again, briefly
i sob
why do i miss her, briefly
i sob
i return the page
it goes off
i feel the anguish wash over me, the sadness, the guilt, the fear
twenty-five years of fear and sadness
a lust for death
i cry for those years back
for that happiness
another chance
to be what i couldn't be

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